


Method to My Madness

by sayurichi



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 20:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11169900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sayurichi/pseuds/sayurichi
Summary: There's always a reason behind someone's actions.





	Method to My Madness

Today is just another colorless day, much like his many other days. His madness seeps through once again so he can gain some sort of feeling from his otherwise numb world. He's laid down in his bed, staring at the ceiling, even his madness can't dampen the true feelings he hides within because today alos just happened to be _that day._ He turns to his alarm clock, school starts in the next hour. He realizes he should get up, get ready, eat and head off to school, but what's the point of anything right now? If he skips the first few periods, no one would really care. He did it so often that it just doesn't seem to bother anyone anymore. Nagisa does occassionally text him when he doesn't show up to ask what he's up to. He sighed as he heaved himself out of bed, but not so he can get dressed for school, no, he has more important matters to attend to right now, school can most definitely wait. He rolled out of bed and went to wash up in the bathroom. He had to look presentable, anything less just wasn't right at all. His shower was painfully long, trying to wash away all those other feelings so his madness can take over, but still, he just can't today. Pulling on his school uniform, he walks out of the house without eating a thing and headed towards the cemetary. The eyes of the redhead wandered, seeing nothing but a monochrome sky. Suddenly, his phone goes off, the soft ringtone that plays tells him that it's his short bluehead friend. Sighing, he takes his phone and presses it to his ear.

"Yeah?" He says.

"Karma, where are you?" Nagisa asks. "It's already second period and Korosensei is having a fit without you here."

He didn't have to tell him, Karma could already hear his teacher's wailing in the background. Once again, he sighed, he so didn't want to deal with this right now.

"I'm just doing something before I head to school." He replied. "Tell Korosensei I'm sorry, but I will be at school. I'll see you later."

And with that he hung up the call. Not a hint of teasing or the usual Karma was heard, he sounded like a normal high school boy, which to the rest of the class was unnerving. The redhead _had_ to play nice today, it was the promise he made on that grave after all. Not exactly a good idea to break a promise like that in his opinion, though now he will most certainly be subjected to multitudes of questions of his well being later. Karma continues to walk until he reaches a small dango shop. It doesn't get a lot of customers, pretty rundown, the red on it's sign has faded and gained lots of cracks from the years gone by. The owner was a kind old man called Touma Kitsune, his wife long passed and his children gone to live out their own lives. Alone, all alone, yet he looks content, he looks happy, but looks are decieving, Karma knows this because his true face is filled with loneliness and depression. He faces the old man and their eyes meet, the man's eyes lit up with glee as he gazed into Karma's mercury orbs.

"It's good to see you again Karma." he says.

"Good to see you too Mr. Kitsune." Karma replies with a warm smile.

"Are you off to pay a visit to your brother?"

"Yeah, I think he'd be really happy if I brought him some of your dango. It was his favorite after all."

"Indeed, he'd come here almost everyday to buy them. He was such a good kid."

"Hehe, I always told him that he'd get so fat that he'd never get a girlfriend if he kept eating so much dango. Zen would throw a fit after I said that."

Mr. Kitsune let out a hearty laugh. "Sounds just like him. Here take these with you, on the house."

"I can't possibly accept that, please let me pay." Karma said as he waved his hands in front of himself. There was more than enough money in his pocket to pay for the food.

"Please, I insist, you and your brother are the highlight of my day. Why not consider it as my offering to him as well?"

"When you put it that way, you make it hard to say no."

"Then take them, and maybe eat a few, you look like you haven't eaten breakfast yet."

The old man pushed the bag filled with dango to Karma once again and he gave into Mr. Kitsune's request. He gave a warm smile to the old man before leaving, he wasn't sure if the Mr. Kitsune was aware of the things he's done since his brother died, but if he did, the man certainly never let it show and treated him as if he were the same Karma he was seven years ago and he acted as such. The redhead continued his hiked up to the cemetary, his mind flooding with memories with each step he took. A new emotion was beginning to bubble up, happiness. The happiness he felt in those memories were surfacing back into his heart, making his world regain its color without the madness. The way he used to fight with his brother, their chats, every prank that they pulled against one another, all of it, it was all things he wanted to remember, things that he wanted to happen again, but he knew that it never would. On his way, he saw a pair of siblings playing in the park. He smiled as it reminded him of one of his trips to the park with his older brother.

_A four year old Karma was sitting in the sandbox while he waited for his brother to come back with the ice cream he asked for. The sand got into his shoes, but he didn't mind as he was building a replica of his brother's face, or so he said, in truth, it looked like the blob in Hotel Transylvania. Even so, he was proud of his work and couldn't wait to show his big brother, Zen. He finished so soon that he decided that he'd make a mini him next to it, by then, an older boy came along and saw his handiwork. The elder boy smirked and bent down to young Karma's level, he tapped the boy's shoulder. Karma's eyes were filled with wonder as to why this mister was disturbing his peace, but he didn't really mind._

_"What cha got there kiddo?" He asked._

_"I made a sculpture of my big brother for when he comes back with my ice cream!" young Karma exclaimed. "Doesn't it look great? I'm making a version of me to go along with it!!"_

_"Oh that's nice, you know what would make it better?" At this time, Karma couldn't sense the evil hidden behind the words of this older boy he had never met before, but being a child, he was too trusting._

_"Yeah!" young Karma said._

_Before he knew it, the sand sculpture of his brother was kicked into his face. There was so much sand covering him head to toe, especially in his eyes. Tears began to form at the corner of his eyes, cascading down his cheeks, not so much because his eyes were stinging, but more from the fact the sculpture he worked so hard on was now taken down. The elder boy just laughed his head off at the kid's misery._

_"Hah! What're you crying for, ha?? I did make it better! I think plain old sand looks much better than that piece of shit you made!" The elder boy kicked Karma's crying form. "Will you shut up and get over it?! It's just some stupid blob of sand you made with a smiley face!"_

_Karma continued to sob. As the elder boy was about to deliver another harsh blow to the four year old, someone pushed him down, face first into the sand box. The elder boy looked up and spat out a mouth full of sand and glared at the person who sent him tumbling down. He was now face to face with a guy who looked about twelve years old with brown hair that had streaks of red, holding two ice cream cones in his hand. There was a very pissed look on the twelve year old's face, one that made the elder boy quiver in fear._

_"What the hell do you think you're doing to my little brother??" The twelve year old asked_

_"N-nothing, I was just helping the kid!" he stammered_

_"Lie to me again and having sand shoved down your pants will be the least of your problems."_

_The elder boy shook and ran away out of fear. The twelve year old tsked and knelt down to his little brother who was starting to calm down after seeing Zen protect him. Zen offered Karma a warm smile and gave him his ice cream cone._

_"Hey Kar, you okay?" His tone was sweet and calm, completely different from his earlier voice._

_"I am now since Zen-nii is here!" Karma smiled, holding on to his ice cream. "It's too bad that you didn't get to see my sculpture of you, Zen-nii. It was really cool too..."_

_Zen stroked his brother's head and smiled, "I'm sure it was bud, but right now, we need to get you cleaned up. After your ice cream of course."_

_"Okay!" Karma got up and walked with his brother to a near by bench. "You know what, Zen-nii?"_

_"What is it Kar?"_

_"Well, you totally don't suit your name."_

_"Hah?! Seriously?! That's what you pick up from all this?!" His brother was extremely offended, even though Karma's remark was true._

_"You're just prove my point even more."_

_"Why you little- Come here!"_

_Zen kept young Karma in a head lock and messed up his sandy hair. Karma just kept laughing and continued to tease his older brother._

Karma couldn't help but laugh at the memory. Zen, derived from the Indian practice of dhyana, meditation. People that practice this are calm, relaxed, but his brother was far from it. He was easily offended and stressed, always quick to panic. Another small laugh escaped from his lips as another memory resurfaced. Karma recalled the first time his brother was going to confess to the girl he liked. His brother was fourteen then, he was panicking so much, you'd think that he's the girl. 

_A six year old Karma was watching his brother in his room through the ajar door. Zen was looking at himself in the mirror, he was fidgeting a lot and sweating bullets. His hands were shaking as he ran his fingers through his hair and taking in a big gulp of air, completely unaware that his little brother was filming him._

_"S-so um, K-kino-san, listen. I-i umm, well you see. F-for a l-long time now, I've kinda, sorta had a umm, a-a c-crush on you. W-what I'm trying to say is that, I-I like you! So would you p-please g-go out with m-me??" His brother said._

_His brother hit his head on the wall and began muttering about how much of a failure he is and how Karma's right, he'll never get a girlfriend, but not because of the dangos, he made sure to clarify to his non-existent audience. The six year old couldn't take it anymore, he burst out laughing and fell on the floor. The sound didn't go unnoticed by his older brother who was now fumming, his cheeks were as red as his brother's hair and had no idea what to say._

_"Geez Zen-nii! You are such a loser!!" He said in between his laughs_

_"Oh shut up!! I've never done this before, you have no- Is that a video camera in your hands?!" Zen was mortified, his awkward practice runs were all caught on camera._

_"It certainly is~" Karma teased_

_"You didn't-"_

_Karma's smirk said it all and the chase around the house began. Zen was shouting threats to the young Karma who was just running away, sticking his tongue out every now and then._

The house was so alive that day, they disturbed their neighbors to no end and without parents around, no one could really stop them. Until this very day, Karma has that recording saved onto his laptop, from time to time, he'll watch it and still get s a kick out of seeing his brother so flustered and embarrassed. He'd never admit it, but he mainly saved it now because he didn't have any other videos of his brother. So whenever he felt like he was forgetting his brother's voice, he'd watch it. He couldn't forget, he wouldn't allow himself because if he forgot, then his brother would truly be gone. His eyes grew dark now, thinking about the way his brother died and the funeral, it sickened him that his parents didn't stay for long, immediately going back on one of their trips for their job. No one was there for him to help him mourn or comfort him now that his brother was gone, Mr. Kitsune tried, but he needed someone else, he needed  _family,_ unfortunately, his family thought otherwise and left him alone to his own devices. The redhead could still hear the loud crack of bones shattering, the screams, the taunts, the clear image of blood and his brother in the middle of it all. His breaths became shorter and his chest ached, he grabbed a fistfull of his blazer, trying to get himself together while grasping the gate of cemetary. Oh- the cemetary, he hadn't realized that he already arrived. His thoughts consumed him so much he didn't even notice. Karma walked slowly to the grave of his brother, recalling the one memory he wished never existed. Being part of a wealthy family does attract unwanted attention from certain people after all and that lead to the situation that robbed his brother of his life. The brother that took care of him, that raised him when his own mother and father couldn't even be bothered to do so. His brother was his world, his life, but because of those bastards he lost him all too soon.

_A rough sound of metal dragging along the pavement echoed through the abandoned warehouse where a fifteen year old Zen and a seven year old Karma were. They were currently being held for randsom. Thugs saw this as a golden opportunity since their parents were in Japan and hand heaps of money to go around. The randsom call was sent out hours ago and the thugs started to get itchy fingers. They started picking on young Karma, hitting him with the crowbar repeatedly, Zen couldn't stand it, his brother was hurting and he wasn't going to lay around and let it happen. They ignored Zen's pleas and begging so he resorted to something else. His hands may have been bound, but not his feet. He bolted up towards the man as he raised the crowbar again and knocked him down. The other thugs stepped in and threw Zen down to the cold hard ground and began to beat him relentlessly instead._

_Smack. A hit to the face._

_Crack. Arm broken by the crowbar._

_Kick. Aimed at his solar plexus._

_Burn. A cigarette bud being pushed onto his pale skin._

_Slice. A knife breaking the skin._

_Karma could only watch as he cried for them to stop hurting his brother, to leave him alone. Of course his cries fell on deaf ears, they just continued their work. Zen just smiled at Karma and mouthed that it's okay, everything will be okay, but it was far from it. The blood was pooling around Zen's body and something in Karma just snapped. His instincts kicked in and he broke free from his restraints somehow and disarmed one of them, taking his knife. Karma then began his relentless attack, he didn't stop, just like they didn't stop hurting his brother. It was their turn to feel this._

_Smack. A hit to the face._

_Crack. Arm broken by the crowbar._

_Kick. Aimed at their solar plexus._

_Burn. A cigarette bud being pushed onto their skin._

_Slice. A knife breaking the skin._

_He couldn't stop himself, the madness's first time to surface, until he felt his brother's cold hand grab his small ankle. The red head stopped all movement and turned to his brother. Almost immediately, Karma bent down to his brother trying to figure out how to save him, using all the knowledge he had, but nothing came. What was the point of being a genius if you can't use it to save the people you love? Karma was frantic, he didn't know what to do, he was crying, but he didn't stop wracking his brain for some sort of idea, until a hand came and placed itself on his cheek._

_"K-kar..." Zen's breaths were ragged. "I-it's okay..."_

_"What the hell are you saying?! You're bleeding to death! No way in hell is this okay you ass!"_

_"D-damn, w-when did you learn that word? M-mom'll k-kill you for t-that."_

_"Shut up, I heard it from her anyway, now let me think."_

_"K-kar, p-please listen. W-we both know that I-I won't make it."_

_"Of course you will! So just your mouth and save your energy!"_

_"Karma..."_

_Karma finally shut up, his brother never called him that unless it's really serious. So he silently cried as he listened to his brother's words, his_ last  _words._

_"Y-you're hurt really b-bad too. K-karma, I-I love you so much l-little bro. Remember n-none of t-this was your fault, you d-did your best and I-I am so proud of you." Zen started to cough up more blood, "I k-know that o-our parents aren't the b-best, but they do what they c-can so try to unders-stand them. C-continue to live your l-life out f-for the both of us. B-be a good kid, o-okay? You aren't alone.. One day y-you'll find people to cherish, t-they'll always b-be by your side like I-I am. Just w-wait until then. I'm r-really sorry f-for leaving you so soon Karma."_

_Karma continued to cry. "I love you too Zen-nii." He wanted to say don't go, but he knew that that was impossible. His brother was fading and there was no one there to save him. Zen gave one last warm smile before his eyes slid close and his arm dropped to the ground. Karma's heart dropped, he screamed, he was wailing, his heart broke and almost a full minute later, he could hear shuffling and police barging in, it was too late, they were too late, if they came a minute earlier then Zen wouldn't have..._

Tears began to block Karma's vision when he finally arrived at his brother's grave. It said Zen, beloved son and brother. Karma laid down the dango on the grave and took out one to eat as he wiped his eyes. He gave a teary eyed smile and sighed.

"It's good to see you again, Zen-nii." The redhead started. "You must find it annoying that I visit once a week, sorry. Anyways, it's the anniversary of the day you died. I brought you the dango that you liked. Mr. Kitsune is doing well, but I could tell he's getting weaker. I'm scared to lose him too. He's the only connection to you I have left, he gave me these dango for free you know, saying it's his offering to you too. Geez, they're so sweet, how could you eat like thrity of these everyday without getting sick of it?"

The treat was covered in a sweet sauce that made Karma feel like he needed a drink, but he didn't budge from his spot. His eyes shifted to the sky, it looked like the colors were fading to him. Was he really feeling? Or was it all disappating again?

"You remember how you told me that I'd find people that I'd cherish? Well, I really did, 30 normal people and one octopus." He laughed. "The dull monochrome colors seem to have gained color today without the madness. You're probably disappointed about me getting into fights and being so violent. I'm sorry, but I promise that I won't today, like the past seven years, today is the only day I'll act like the way I used to because it's so hard to be that now." He started to get teary eyed again. "I really miss you, you know, you're such an ass for leaving me so soon, but I'm coping better. I wish you could see my class, my teacher, you'd probably have a cow. Maybe you did see them while watching me from above and already had a cow. So that means you're probably in the mood to scold me right now for skipping. Well, sorry, but you're more important than lessons I already know."

The redhead continued to talk on and on about the things that happened during the time he hadn't visited, doing this always made him feel lighter, made him feel like he was really talking to his brother, and it made him so happy, his loneliness faded and his depression was almost nonexistent, but he knew that when he gets home, he won't ever see that idiotic smile on Zen's face welcoming him home. Karma proceeded to clean his brother's grave, keeping it nice and tidy, taking the old bag of dangos he put there last time, which was now giving off a horrible odor, and throwing it away. He said good bye to his brother before leaving and heading to school, he really didn't want to go. He'd rather stay there and be with his brother the whole day, but he knew that Zen would disapprove, he could hear his voice in his head telling him to march to school, and march he did. He finally made it to the top of the mountain, seeing that lunch time was ending when he arrived at school. He entered the classroom like he usually would and all eyes turned to him.

"Karma! Where have you been young man??" Korosensei interogated.

"Sorry, I had something really important to do and I couldn't skip it." Karma said and bowed.

Everyone was taken aback by his actions, _the_ Karma Akabane was bowing and apologizing without a hint of sarcasm. Everyone started to ask if he was alright, Korosensei especially was fussing all over him. He just laughed and waved them off and went to his seat, he wasn't acting like the arrogant Karma. Nagisa went up to him and asked what was up. Karma just turned to him and smiled.

"You know how people say there's a method to one's madness? Well right now my method is shoving my madness up someone else's ass." Karma said

Nagisa looked at him confused, but accepted the answer non the less, the day continued with a good mannered Karma and a confused class, it even set Mr. Karasuma on edge, thinking he was up to something, but nothing happened the rest of the day. They were all so confused. Soon enough they were dismissed and Karma left first, Nagisa passed by his seat and saw a piece of paper that was on the floor next to Karma's desk. It was a picture of a young Karma holding up a peace sign while being carried by an older boy with brown hair and streaks of red, both were smiling. The rest of the class caught a glimpse of the picture, confused as to who the mystery man was. The next day, Nagisa returned the picture to Karma and asked who the mystery man was. "My older brother," was his only response as he proceeded to act like the usual Karma they all knew, but everyone wondered where exactly his brother was, yet they never asked, getting the feeling that it was a subject that should remain untouched.

 


End file.
